Making a Mockery of Cult Religion
No one is to serve in the military! So there! No exceptions!

Even if there is a draft, you are not to serve in the military! Never!

You must become what is known as a “conscienteous objector”.

This is a rather strange term which makes it sound like you object to having a conscience. That would make you objectively amoral, which is about what everyone in grade and high school are these days — not know right from wrong, if there is such a thing. But being a conscienteous objector is not like that at all. It’s that you object to killing people because of that twitchy incovenient command “Thou Shalt Not Kill” (unless commanded to stone a false prophet to death by God, or kill someone off for some other niggling broken Statute). You just can’t be involved in groups like that. Being in God’s Army doesn’t count.

We should love our enemies. It might be argued that sometimes loving your enemies might involved ending their excruciating pain by executing them, but that’s not how this works. We can’t promote mercy killing either, no matter how boring the sermons are.

Now we realize that our position on this is rather ambiguous. You see, most ministers in the cult are non voting Republican Dog Owners who are Hawks and not Doves at heart. In fact, they are terribly upset with those flaming lawless liberals who ruin everything by seeming to give people freedom through their give away programs for which they tax us to death. The ministers are on the side of big business and law and order (as long as it is an advantage to them) because they absolutely benefit from the Cult Corporate Business Model.

Therefore, ministers see the conscienteous objector as a sissy criminal who is trying to get out of his patriotic duty, such as how the ministers get out of their patriotic duty by refusing to serve on Jury Duty (judge not, lest ye be not judged, unless of course, you evade your income taxes!). As such, the ministers regard conscienteous objectors lower than the pond scum they say we have not evolved from.

In the past, conscienteous objectors have come to work off their I-W programs at The Supreme Cult, where they were treated like 4th class citizens from a pagan 3rd world country. They received threats of termination and the consequetial prison terms because they didn’t serve the teens of the ministers promptly, respectfully and treat them like the uber gods they really were. They were warned that if they didn’t gas up the 240z of the Chancellor’s Wife ahead of everyone in line, they would be out and they could serve their prison term. They were not allowed to associate with other members of their cult or date them. They were separated from the “holier than thou” ministerial candidates as being some sort of leper. They came. They served their term (often scraping by on minimum wage or less). And then they left, and by “then they left” I mean that sometimes they left the cult entirely after being exposed to such hypocrisy as seeing the leader’s son date rape coeds and be proscribed from saying anything.

But not to worry.

If you make it through, you can be ignored in your local congregation as being a pariah if anyone finds out.